oh, coffee shops, how i love you. i could count the many reasons...but my favorite is that it's where many of my most memorable moments have taken place. for some reason, over a steamy, (or icey), cup of deliciousness people share life on a deeper level.
when i moved to texas, i began frequenting one particular Starbucks that has longer hours. and for the past 7 years, i've had many remarkable conversations here. in fact, i can look at individual tables around the space, scan through my rolodex of memories, and call to mind certain situations that influence who i am today.
as i sit here now, at one of my favorite tables, (near an outlet of course), i see one table where i was first inspired to write about relationships. in anger and frustration, i sat there pounding away at the keys of my laptop as if the heavier pressure would convey my tone more clearly to the readers...
or another table where i sat with tears in my eyes sharing my first experience with unemployment with who would become my roommate. i love the various tables where i labored for days working on book reports and class projects for grad school. they remind me of God's provision during four tough yet wonderful years.
then there's the table where i composed a 60th wedding anniversary video for my grandparents. i remember sitting there with eyes about to burst with huge droplets while wondering at how God had blessed our whole family with their faithfulness.
there's another table where a man i hoped i would marry told me that he wished there were more women like me. or three years later at another table where the same person asked me point-blank if he was one of those guys that played the buddy system in seminary.
it's extraordinary the connection i feel to this place. it's just another Starbucks. same tile floor, same wood tables, same fragrance of espresso in the air. i've come to know and love the baristas at this location. so that is different. but if not for the many influencial memories here, i probably wouldn't feel so attached to it. there's a fondness growing even now as i sit here recalling all those emotions.
and it's all these memories that have led to a burden over the past several months. it grew very strong in the last six weeks or so. then one night, talking to my sister on the phone, i asked her a question: "do you think that if people have a desire that God did not give them, He will remove it if we ask Him to?"
i already had my own answer to that. and she spoke it as if in agreement with my unspoken answer, "yes. i do. He wants us to have His desires. He works in us to change our hearts to want what He wants." so that led to a new prayer in my heart. i pray it daily.
(if you've read any of my previous blog entries, you should know by now that i try to be open and honest about where i'm at with God; in my struggles and joys. in an effort to do that even more, i'm about to get even more transparent.)
in order to hand my heaviest burden over to God, i began to pray this: if He has not given me the desire to be married, that He would take it away. i want to be free of it and be more focused on what He has in store for me. it has been infiltrating my thoughts throughout the day and storming my dreams at night.
thankfully, this new prayer has been stilling my heart. it's not like the desire is gone. nor do i feel as though God has called me to a life of singleness...not yet at least. but it has helped clear my vision. the Holy Spirit seems to grab hold of day dreams before they start and guard my heart when i watch romantic movies or listen to lovey-dovey music.
so right now in this special coffee shop with so many caffeinated memories, i am at peace. i don't feel sad that things didn't work out with that guy from years ago. and i don't regret having those experiences. i am thankful that God is faithful to refine our hearts when we ask His help. (and even when we don't!)
1 peter 5:6-11
Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. After your have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. To Him be dominion forever and ever. Amen.
