Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Our Fault Requires Our Action

Oklahoma is a great place to live.  When my family moved to Ardmore in 1994, we had no idea the amount of valuable friends and family we would gain over the last 20 years.  In fact, it was 20 years this month that we started our new Damon family adventure in Oklahoma.  I spent many of my formative years in Oklahoma.  And while Minnesota will always be my home state, I'm proud to be part Okie.

However, Oklahoma is also a very dangerous place to live for countless children.  In fact, this last summer, we had over 10,600 children in out-of-home care through OKDHS.  (You can find these statistics published on the www.okdhs.org website.)  And the number increases every day.  Those 10,600 children are children that have REPORTED cases of child abuse and/or neglect as of June 2013.  (Those are the children that we actually know about.  We have no idea how many are still in dangerous homes.)

This is shocking considering 88% of the 359 Oklahoma cities have less than 10,000 people TOTAL.  LESS than the total number of children in out-of-home care.

The 2012 US Census Bureau's recorded number of Oklahomans under the age of 18 was 922,832, (24.6% of total Oklahoma population).  That means that the report from OKDHS in June 2013 denotes that 9.78% of Oklahoma children are in OKDHS Child Welfare custody, (in out-of-home care).

Compare those numbers to a much more populated state like New York.  In 2012, New York Office of Child and Family Services reported a DECREASE in "In Care Population Permanency" to 20,450.  (That included children 0-21 years of age.)  In 2012, the US Census Bureau reported a total of 4,267,595 (21.8% of total population) children under the age of 18 years old.  That means that less than 0.5% of New York children are in NY OCFS custody.

How can a state that is so small, has thousands of churches, and considers itself to be a family-oriented state have such a horrendous problem with child abuse and neglect?

It makes me sick, fellow Okies.  And I blame us for the problem.  I have a theory how this happened.  Granted, sin is the real cause for child abuse and neglect.  But we human beings are the perpetrators of this sin.  After all, if we aren't a part of the solution, aren't we part of the problem?

My theory is that when churches don't get involved in caring for their neighbors and therefore allowing ourselves to hide in our nice homes and pretty new church buildings, we get caught up in keeping up appearances.  So, we are less likely to share when life gets really challenging and more likely to take up harmful ways of coping with the pain and stress.  That's why as a Child Welfare caseworker, most of my permanency planning cases involved substance abuse and/or domestic violence.

I posit that if people that believe in and follow Christ were to support each other when life is tough, let each other in and be honest about the pain and fear, and then take steps with each other to survive it, we would not see as many children in out-of-home care.  Less people would feel the need to choose drugs or a dangerous significant other in order to cope with life.

Had I not had a supportive family and a church that rallied around me at some dark times, I may have been part of this statistic.  It's tempting to run away from pain.

That's how we ended up with with over 10,600 kids in custody as of June 2013.  This week I saw some of the pain in the lives of the biological parents I have worked with and the children currently living in a shelter.  One mother has had an extremely difficult time walking away from the abusive father of her children.  Her children have returned to foster care and she became so desperate that she attempted suicide.

Teenagers at the shelter, no matter how hard they work, have little to no hope of ever being in a foster home let alone adopted by the time they turn 18.  Think about yourself at age 18: about to graduate high school, planning for college or a career, maybe even starting a family with your new husband or wife.

Who helped you to study for your SAT or ACT?  Who encouraged you to apply for college?  Who took to you to tour college campus and move in once you were accepted?  Who did you call when you were terrified of your first midterm or final exams?  Who helped coach you when preparing to interview for jobs?  Who helped you get copies of all your vital records so that you can even apply for jobs?

Ladies, who walked you down the isle when you got married?  Who did you call when you got pregnant or had a miscarriage?  Who did you call when you had your first big fight as a newlywed?

Oklahoma is suffering.  The impact of our lack of action to help one another is profound.  Judge OKDHS all you want.  "The system" is not perfect.  But if you aren't part of the solution, you are part of the problem.  In Mark 2, friends of a paralytic man actually took the roof off of a house so that their friend could get closer to Jesus and be healed.  Do you know anyone that would do that for you?  Would you do that for someone else?

1 Corinthians 10:24 - "Let no one seek his own good, but that of his neighbor."

Mark 12:30-32 - Jesus talks about the greatest commandments: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, strength.  The second is to love your neighbor as yourself.

Friends, this is as much a calling on me as anyone else.  So, I am burdened to do what I can to help.  Please pray that God shows you what to do next.  What roof does He want you to tear up so that your neighbor can be healed?