"For Women Only" Part II

In regards to the previous post, the Bible has something to say about what Ms. Feldhahn wrote.

First, in Genesis 3, we read the story of man's fall into sin and what that means to the rest of us as descendants of Adam and Eve.  They figure out they are naked and for the first time decide it's best to hide from God in their shame.  Even though God already knows what they have done yet being the relational God that He is, He asks them, "What is this that you have done?" Then God, because He is just and loves us, proceeds with the punishment for their sin.  This punishment is carried down through generations...all the way to us.

To Eve, God says, "I will greatly multiply you pain in childbirth, in pain you will bring forth children;Yet your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."  (Genesis 3:16)

To Adam, God says, "Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree about which I commanded you saying, 'You shall not eat from it'; Cursed is the ground because of you; in toil you will eat of it all the days of your life.  Both thorns and thistles it shall grow for you; and you will eat the plants of the field; by the sweat of your face you will eat bread, till you return to the ground, because from it you were taken; for you are dust and to dust you shall return."

Since For Women Only is talking about men, I'm focusing on Adam.  We see that number 3 in Feldhahn's list pertains directly to this passage.  Men will always feel the need to provide.  This is an effect of the fall of man.  I also venture to say that the curse on women, "your desire will be for your husband," correlates with number 1 on the list: men need respect.  Perhaps God made women desire men to fulfill man's need for respect?

2 Samuel 11 tells the story of the great King David.  Even though he was a "man after God's own heart," he too was susceptable to visual temptation.  He saw Bathsheba, another man's wife, bathing one night and decided to "lay with her."  They even had a child as a result of his sin.  This supports Feldhahn's claim that men are visual, (number 5.)

What about sex?  1 Corinthians 7 talks about this act of love in marriage.  Paul writes saying that men shouldn't touch women unless she is his wife.  And men and women are to practice monogamy.  But it doesn't mention how sex contributes to a man's well-being, (number 4.) But it gives the perameters for a healthy sex life for marriage.  Song of Solomon cherishes sex between husband and wife.  The man is uplifted and adored by his mate.

"Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men.  In his shade I took great delight and sat down, and his fruit is sweet to my taste." (Song of Solomon 2:3)  "His mouth is full of sweetness.  And he is wholly desirable.  This is my beloved and this is my friend..."  (Song of Solomon 5:16)

The entire book of Song of Solomon is a melodious rejoicing of a woman over her man and the man for his woman.  It may not say specifically say that the man felt more confident because of all the sex he was having.  But all her loving, (somewhat explicit), words imply that her adoration translated into physical intimacy.  And his responses to her were even more powerful words of affirmation and love.

I'm sure there are many other parts of the Bible that speak to the generalities Ms. Feldhahn makes.  But this is where I'll stop today.  There are other things to talk about!

"For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men"

By Shaunti Feldhahn

Ms. Feldhahn writes to women in For Women Only.  (Obviously.)  It is divided into 9 chapters ranging from how she arrived at this topic, a man's need for respect, his need to provide, sex, and even what men wish you knew about them.

A male friend of mine told me I should read this book and has referenced it on conversations.  I figure that if he identifies with it's notions, it's worth checking out.  I'll post this for now and add more tomorrow.

She proposes a set of principles that generally apply to men.  I wonder how many of you agree with her findings.

Our surface Understanding: What that means in practice:

1. Men Need Respect: Men would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected

2. Men are insecure: Despite their “in control” exterior, men often feel like imposters and are insecure that their inadequacies will be discovered

3. Men are providers: Even if you personally made enough income to support the family’s lifestyle, it would make no difference to the mental burden he feels to provide

4. Men want more sex: Your sexual desire for your husband profoundly affects this sense of well-being and confidence in all areas of life

5. Men are visual: Even happily married men struggle with being pulled toward live and recollected images of other women

6. Men are unromantic clods: Actually, most men enjoy romance (sometimes in different ways) and want to be romantic – but hesitate because they doubt they can succeed

7. Men care about appearance: You don’t need to be a size 3, but your man does need to see you making and effort to take care of yourself – and he will take on significant cost or inconvenience in order to support you

(Page 15)


Do you agree with Ms. Feldhahn?  

getting started

for a few years, i've been reading books that have to do with dating and relationships.  many of my unmarried friends have, too. but what i've found is that there's not one single book that gives the magic formula for how to be happy and content in singleness.

as a christian, it's even more challenging.  how do we pursue a deeper relationship with God, not give in to what the rest of the world says is okay, and still hope that our future husband/wife is out there somewhere?

i'd like to see if i can find some answers. for the past year, i've been reading loads of books, watching movies/tv and asking friends their opinions... and taking notes.  i'm going to do a blogger's version of book reviews to help the process.

maybe it'll encourage you.  maybe it'll scare you.  but what i DO know is that God has responses to every opinion.

i've been asking God what He thinks of what these authors say.  and i'll report His answers in the blog, too.  after all, His is the only opinion that matters!

let's get started!