"For Women Only" Part III

Feldhahn characterizes respect is essential in a man's life.  And there are different situations that he needs respect:

Need #1: Respect his judgement

Need #2: Respect his abilities

Need #3: Respect in communication

Need #4: Respect in public

Need #5: Respect in our assumptions

(Pages 29-48)

Over the years, I've been blessed to watch many couples relate to each other.  And even though I've not had much experience in committed dating relationships and especially with  marriage, I agree with Feldhahn.  Her summary is pretty accurate.  And I also believe that we see a reflection of how God expects us to respect and honor Him in that list.  God makes this quite clear throughout the Bible.

Exodus 20 presents the 10 commandments.  In it we read God's desire/expectation to be respected.  Ephesians 5:22-24, (feminists cringe at this passage), outlines God's intention for wives to respect their husbands, "Wives be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He himself being the Savior of the body.  But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything."

Do you think that since Christ is the head of the church and is to be respected and honored and then since He set husbands as the leader of the household, man's desire/need for respect started with that mandate?  Not necessarily all the sudden in Ephesians.  But at the very beginning of man?  OR at "the curse", (when sin entered the world), discussed in a previous post?

(I'd love your thoughts on that!)

“The idea of someone thinking he can’t cut it is humiliating – a feeling every man wants to avoid at all costs.”  (page 57)

This is an interesting statement and one I've been aware of for some time.  And it's a growing issue.  I've been single for 29 years.  And I've been a part of a single/unmarried group of folks since college.  There are countless men I've known that seen to avoid asking someone out because they are too afraid of the risk.  

The new thing is to hide behind lame text messages.  Nothing says to a woman, "I'm not sure you're worth the risk," like a text message pseudo-relationship.  It's taken many frustrating months since texting became so popular to figure this out.  

Maybe the guy is legitimately interested.  But only texting and not following through with a phone call and/or date sends the message he's just not that into her.  So, maybe because they want someone to believe in them so much that the fear of rejection is more compelling the opportunity to meet the woman of their dreams.  

To this I say get off the lame bus!  Life is full of risk and finding the person you will spend the rest of your life with, the woman who may have your children, the best friend that will serve the Lord along your side is completely worth the risk.

We women need to be gentle to these guys when they do step out of their comfort zone.  But I will say this, (and Dr. Phil agrees with me.  Or maybe it's I who agrees with him?  You can be the judge.), if men show a woman something worthy of respect, she will give them the respect they seek!  Women my age seem to want a man they can believe in and trust.  So in general, men are "innocent until proven guilty."  

"He who pursues righteousness and loyaly finds life, righteousness and honor." Proverbs 21:21

But men, PLEASE, avoid women at are natural pessimists and/or hyper-critical.  It would be a painful relationship and you'll feel less and less satisfied.   And this type of woman doesn't truly believe in your capabilities.  

"An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones." Proverbs 12:4

"It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman." Proverbs 21:9

Look for a woman that is a natural encourager.  She wants to believe in you.

"Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." Proverbs 16:24

I'll wrap up with one more statement from Feldhahn's book:

“Let us accept this call to maturity and receive this invitation for our generation to become the strong, gentle, godly women our men need.  If we are willing to be molded by His hands, the Lord will shower us, our men, and our relationships with abundance.  That is the way He works.  He made us for each other.  He is the Author of Love.”  (page 178)

Feldhahn's statement is powerful.  I love that she equates strength, gentleness and godliness with maturity. I've heard others say the gist of this equation.  But I've not heard it put so well and so clearly!  

It doesn't say maturity in relationships is exemplified in our level of domestication or activity in the church.  It gives simple adjectives, (or "adjetevs" the way my high school english teacher pronounces it), to describe a mature woman.  And in turn we get to receive and share the blessings of being this kind of woman.  

Daily, I am reminded of how wonderful God is.  And the opportunity to learn and enjoy blessings because of the tough lessons we endure is something I don't appreciate enough.  And as He heaps grace-upon-grace in our lives, we get to share that grace with others.  It's beautiful, don't you think?  

I'm reminded of what we find in Romans 8:37, "But in all these things, (tribulation, distress, persecution, famine, nakedness, peril or sword), we OVERWHELMINGLY conquer through Him that loved us."  

And Oswald Chambers said, "Let circumstances bring you where they will, keep drawing on the grace of God in every conceivable condition you may be in."  

I am encouraged by what these three authors know: 

The tough things we learn now and in the future will not overcome us!  So learning to love each other, to sacrifice for each other, to be more like Christ...it's all possible because of Christ.