insecurity is ugly

it seems that the Lord wants me to discuss insecurity.  it's an ugly subject.  and at first, i fought it.  but He kept putting it in front of me.  whether it was in random conversations or via my least favorite avenue - personal experience.

i admit that i have insecurities just like anyone else.  they have affected many relationships.  whether i was comparing myself to my superstar sister as we grew up or dealing with the rejection from a boy i like.  whatever way insecurity manifests itself in my life, it's damages may last for years if i don't address each one.

but for the purposes of this blog, let's talk about how insecurity affects dating relationships and coed friendships.

i've been reading donald miller's new book, "father fiction."  it's a good read and i'd recommend it to anyone without a dad in their life; whether he wasn't present physically or emotionally.  there's one chapter about dating and choosing your spouse.  i appreciate how he floats between humor and harsh reality.  one thing he says struck me: "People are insecure already, so they don't want you to be insecure."  (page 124) 

do you agree?  i do.  that's hard to say.  but it's true.  for women, (thanks for disney and all those princess fairytales), we are raised to look for a strong, confident man.  one that will swoop in to our rescue when we need him.  now, we should not expect him to look and act like prince charming.  nor would we honestly want that.  in fact, i think he would be the most boring boyfriend EVER.  but the general idea is true.

in our spiritual DNA, we have a need to be rescued/redeemed from this this lost world.  that's why God gave us Jesus.  but it also translates into our personal relationships.  so, when we have a hard day at work, our pets are sick, or our family is driving us nuts, we want a man that will be supportive and try to come to our rescue.  so, if he doesn't believe he has what it takes to do that, how can we believe it, too?

i know that God uses relationship to reveal truth in our lives.  and in many cases, our boyfriends and girlfriends get to speak encouraging truth into our lives.  sometimes they have to believe we are capable of more and they have to help us see it for ourselves.  i love that.  but if the groundwork hasn't been laid in some capacity, it's a relationship either bound for failure or for mediocrity.  and who wants that?

for men, they want women that carry themselves with confidence and don't talk poorly about themselves.  have you seen that commercial for a one of the online dating websites where the poor guy sits through several different awful first dates?  my favorite is the one where the girl blurts out, "there are like so many things about me that i. just. don't. like."  ugh!  what in the world?!?!?!  it's funny because it's so close to reality.

guys, do you sometimes look a woman and think, she's so pretty, too bad she doesn't think so.  or that girl has so much going for her, why does she settle for so little?  that has to be so frustrating.  as if she's sabotaging any new relationship because she thinks it's doomed to fail.  because sooner or later, he'll discover she's not worth the trouble. 

lies.  all lies.  and we listen to them over and over again.

i am so excited to read beth moore's new book, so long insecurity; you've been a bad friend to us.  it speaks to the heart of women.  but i bet men would receive a lot of insight into the inner workings of the female gender.  i'd recommend just picking it up and thumbing through it at barnes and noble some time.  sure, pretend you're looking at the writings of st. augustine or something...

here's what i'd like to hear from you: how has insecurity affected your dating relationships?  have you avoiding asking someone out because you think you don't deserve her?  have you pushed someone away before they had a chance to reject you?

how do you deal with it?  what has the Lord taught you through it?

my insecurities led me to think about writing.  so, i am thankful for realizing my faulty thinking.  but i would be lying if i said i always handle the lies of the enemy the best way.  he trips me up frequently.  but the Lord has refuted each one.  here's a little taste of God's truth about who you are:

- you have been bought with a price, therefore valuable (1 cor 6:20, 7:23)
- our Creator is FOR you (ps 118: 6-7)
- we are beautiful (ps 45:10, 13a)
- we were personally designed by Him (ps 139:13)
- we are free from guilt (john 3:16-18)

and if the one and only person that matters says stuff like this...doesn't that build you up as worthy of healthy relationship with others?

now, i'm not saying you can do whatever you want because of our assurances in Christ.  what i'm saying is that listening to the enemy's lies will disrupt your relationships.  we all have things we need to work on.  and we should always seek the Lord's help to work through them for His glory.  but if you wait until you're perfect to enter into a dating relationship...you may never get married!

with all our faults, with all our imperfections...somehow the Lord brings His children together in marriage every day.  that's the hope i have to cling to!