to pay or not to pay?

there is a struggle that i know most people have either witnessed or experienced.  i venture to say it happens so often that waiters and baristas around the world just role their eyes at the all-too-familiar exchange.  when a man and woman, not yet a couple, arrives at the point where it's time to pay for their coffee, meal, mini-golf round, etc, an awkward moment also enters the scene.

here's one of the scenarios.  a man and a woman approach a barista at Starbucks.  the woman places her order, "i'll have a tall skinny caramel macchiato, please."  (he lets her go first, like a good gentleman.)

then the awkward moment presents itself.  her hand is in her purse, pulling out her wallet preparing to pay.  he notices her movement and then offers, "no, i've got it!"

then the, "oh, are you sure?  you don't have to..."  and then his response, "um, no, it's okay.  let me."  (as if the time together wasn't nerve-racking enough...)

it's tough.  some men get insulted when the woman doesn't ignore her manners and just let him pay.  it's almost emasculating.  she can be sweetly thankful with one simple, "thank you!"  and then let it go.  he's the leader and wants to feel more like the strong man he is.  (i've got some input from "for women only" that i plan to add ASAP.)

but then, some men get turned off when a woman doesn't at least offer.  that if she expects him to pay and they aren't even dating, what else does she expect of him?  is she the princess type with a sense of entitlement?

one school of thought, (using this term lightly), argues that this shouldn't even be an issue; that whether you're dating that someone or just friends, the man should pay.  he has the pleasure of her company and he should reflect his gratefulness by offering to cover the costs.

but then there's the other side that says, if the two are just hanging out, (i'll explain what i gather "hanging out" to mean later), why should he pay?  it's a platonic situation.  and sometimes it's the female that initiated meeting up.  that should mean that he doesn't have to pay, right?

what do you think?  where do you stand?  what do you think the Bible say about situations like this?  i know it may seem trivial to apply such depth to such a seemingly minor situation.  but i would regret not connecting it all back to what God says about relationships.

dependence

where do you go when trouble invades your day?  do you call your parents, your best friend, boyfriend or girlfriend?  or do you go straight to God?

i have to be honest and say that my pattern has been that i go to a human first and then cry out to God.  i suppose there are a few different reasons for this.

but it's not that i don't trust God to help and guide me through life's hardships.  i think this is because a human is visible/audible and can provide instant relief.  whereas my Father in heaven seems so far away.   i've never actually seen Him and i've never heard His voice... outloud at least. (i'm jealous of my hero's in the Bible that have heard Him speak directly to them.)

and then as a single girl, i long for a man to be there in both the awesome and the tough stuff with me.  i imagine that with him simply being there, a great deal of comfort will come.  because it's difficult as a single woman to ask for help.  especially when we need help moving, our cars break-down or we get sick.  but if we had a committed man in our lives, we wouldn't have to worry about the awkward, "i could use your help..." conversations.  single women just don't know how it will be received.  will he say yes out of obligation?  or will he assume that we are into them?

i think about how God created us to be relational beings and that He wants us to be in relationship with others around us.  in theory, the desire i have to walk through life with a man of my own is a good thing.  but then there is the comment i hear from my married friends...

many of them say that even in marriage, man and wife often feel lonely.  well, that's a bummer, isn't it?  if that's true, what's the point of marriage?  why do it if it doesn't change anything?  surely, there must be other redeeming qualities.  (don't get me wrong, i know there are many benefits to marriage.)

but it's hard to understand that part of marriage when my single friends and i look forward to knowing that our spouses will be there for us and with us until we leave this crazy world.  so then what happens when we fail each other?  what then?

then, we are forced to rely upon the best, most trustworthy person in our lives: God.

a question my church asks itself each time we meet in our villages or for all church gatherings is: how does "this" (whatever the topic may be)  look in our lives?   so i ask you: how do we live as though we depend on God first and foremost and the blessing of supportive human relationships is secondary?

Oswald Chambers, (my favorite to-the-point Christian writer), says, "Drink deep and full of the love of God and you will not demand the impossible of earth's loves; then the love of wife and child, of husband and friend, will grow holier and healthier and simpler and grander."

oh boy, do i wish that i lived this out well.  i think at times i idolize relationship; that i desire relationship with mankind above a deeper relationship with God.   i notice the times it has become an idol when i hit hardship and the first person i call is my dad or something.  instead of taking a minute to call out to God for His help and comfort.

i saw evidence of this monday when i was let go from my job.  instead of first bowing my head to talk to Him , (the ultimate comforter), i called my family...and got voicemails.  that was  a signal that God wanted to hear from me first.  and it is humbling.

even though our family, significant others, and friends are huge blessings, God wants to be more involved than we realize.  it's astounding how much He loves us.  all of life is orchestrated by Him and we are made for "such a time as this."

we should grasp  tightly - with both hands - to His love until our knuckles turn white.  and that means going to him first with our fears and concerns...all our dependence on our Creator.  not  on someone He created.