some honesty...

I feel a need to come clean and just be open and honest.  Not that I'm usually dishonest...it's just that I started blogging to talk about what other people are saying about relationships and to get your feedback. 

But tonight........tonight there's a different purpose to my writing. 

I write to you tonight from a comfy bed in the Residence Inn.  I accidentally brought my laptop along when I forgot to take it into my house before I left for the hotel.  But I now think that part of my forgetfulness wasn't really by mistake.  I believe that the Lord wanted me to write tonight; knowing what I would be feeling at this very moment. 

Here I am on a leaders retreat for The City Church.  I am so thrilled to be a part of this church family!  I love everyone in it.  And I'm so blessed to know that they feel I am qualified, (thanks to Jesus), to lead a village.  In our first session we talked about why The City exists, what the Gospel means and how it translates in to our lives and our identity. 

Needless to say, it's been a great encouragement already! 

Yet......

I sit here WIDE awake.  Like the movie "Sleepless in Seattle,"  I can't seem to stop thinking about what I'm missing and therefore preventing a decent night's sleep.  No, I've not lost the love of my life.  I don't even know who he is!  And yet, I miss him. 

I'm ashamed to say that although I am sure that the Lord has given me everything I need for this day and will provide everything I need for the next, I still long for more.  I want to find the man that the Lord has chosen as my husband.  I want to begin our life together, to serve him, love him on a much deeper level than anyone else on earth!

I sure wish that I didn't struggle with this and that I could go about this leadership training without this distraction hanging around.  And even though the Lord and I have taken great strides in this area of my life.  Tonight I feel weak and brokenhearted. 

As I sat around the round-ish table this evening surrounded with wonderful, godly people, I felt different and alone.  I could hear the enemy telling me, "Look at all these couples.  THEY can lead a group.  But you?  You're just one person!  How are you adequate for this job?"  His lies sunk in deeper and deeper until just a few minutes ago when tears came pouring out of my sleepless eyes. 

This is spiritual warfare; no doubt about it.  I claim Jesus' cleansing blood all over me and the enemy will not be victorious.  But as the Lord soothes the ache and quiets my fears, tonight I pray.  And I write. 

My mind WILL be transformed.
I will NOT be conformed to this world.
He Who began a good work in me is faithful to complete it.

But for tonight............tonight I confess that I ache for something that the Lord does not want to give yet.  And I await eagerly for the new, merciful morning.

"For Women Only" Part III

Feldhahn characterizes respect is essential in a man's life.  And there are different situations that he needs respect:

Need #1: Respect his judgement

Need #2: Respect his abilities

Need #3: Respect in communication

Need #4: Respect in public

Need #5: Respect in our assumptions

(Pages 29-48)

Over the years, I've been blessed to watch many couples relate to each other.  And even though I've not had much experience in committed dating relationships and especially with  marriage, I agree with Feldhahn.  Her summary is pretty accurate.  And I also believe that we see a reflection of how God expects us to respect and honor Him in that list.  God makes this quite clear throughout the Bible.

Exodus 20 presents the 10 commandments.  In it we read God's desire/expectation to be respected.  Ephesians 5:22-24, (feminists cringe at this passage), outlines God's intention for wives to respect their husbands, "Wives be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He himself being the Savior of the body.  But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything."

Do you think that since Christ is the head of the church and is to be respected and honored and then since He set husbands as the leader of the household, man's desire/need for respect started with that mandate?  Not necessarily all the sudden in Ephesians.  But at the very beginning of man?  OR at "the curse", (when sin entered the world), discussed in a previous post?

(I'd love your thoughts on that!)

“The idea of someone thinking he can’t cut it is humiliating – a feeling every man wants to avoid at all costs.”  (page 57)

This is an interesting statement and one I've been aware of for some time.  And it's a growing issue.  I've been single for 29 years.  And I've been a part of a single/unmarried group of folks since college.  There are countless men I've known that seen to avoid asking someone out because they are too afraid of the risk.  

The new thing is to hide behind lame text messages.  Nothing says to a woman, "I'm not sure you're worth the risk," like a text message pseudo-relationship.  It's taken many frustrating months since texting became so popular to figure this out.  

Maybe the guy is legitimately interested.  But only texting and not following through with a phone call and/or date sends the message he's just not that into her.  So, maybe because they want someone to believe in them so much that the fear of rejection is more compelling the opportunity to meet the woman of their dreams.  

To this I say get off the lame bus!  Life is full of risk and finding the person you will spend the rest of your life with, the woman who may have your children, the best friend that will serve the Lord along your side is completely worth the risk.

We women need to be gentle to these guys when they do step out of their comfort zone.  But I will say this, (and Dr. Phil agrees with me.  Or maybe it's I who agrees with him?  You can be the judge.), if men show a woman something worthy of respect, she will give them the respect they seek!  Women my age seem to want a man they can believe in and trust.  So in general, men are "innocent until proven guilty."  

"He who pursues righteousness and loyaly finds life, righteousness and honor." Proverbs 21:21

But men, PLEASE, avoid women at are natural pessimists and/or hyper-critical.  It would be a painful relationship and you'll feel less and less satisfied.   And this type of woman doesn't truly believe in your capabilities.  

"An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones." Proverbs 12:4

"It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman." Proverbs 21:9

Look for a woman that is a natural encourager.  She wants to believe in you.

"Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." Proverbs 16:24

I'll wrap up with one more statement from Feldhahn's book:

“Let us accept this call to maturity and receive this invitation for our generation to become the strong, gentle, godly women our men need.  If we are willing to be molded by His hands, the Lord will shower us, our men, and our relationships with abundance.  That is the way He works.  He made us for each other.  He is the Author of Love.”  (page 178)

Feldhahn's statement is powerful.  I love that she equates strength, gentleness and godliness with maturity. I've heard others say the gist of this equation.  But I've not heard it put so well and so clearly!  

It doesn't say maturity in relationships is exemplified in our level of domestication or activity in the church.  It gives simple adjectives, (or "adjetevs" the way my high school english teacher pronounces it), to describe a mature woman.  And in turn we get to receive and share the blessings of being this kind of woman.  

Daily, I am reminded of how wonderful God is.  And the opportunity to learn and enjoy blessings because of the tough lessons we endure is something I don't appreciate enough.  And as He heaps grace-upon-grace in our lives, we get to share that grace with others.  It's beautiful, don't you think?  

I'm reminded of what we find in Romans 8:37, "But in all these things, (tribulation, distress, persecution, famine, nakedness, peril or sword), we OVERWHELMINGLY conquer through Him that loved us."  

And Oswald Chambers said, "Let circumstances bring you where they will, keep drawing on the grace of God in every conceivable condition you may be in."  

I am encouraged by what these three authors know: 

The tough things we learn now and in the future will not overcome us!  So learning to love each other, to sacrifice for each other, to be more like Christ...it's all possible because of Christ.