adventures in dating

i'm at a strange place in life.  (but who isn't?)  i work in the building industry during one of the most frightening economical times our country has seen in 30 years.  i'm a part of a burgeoning new church in which i have the opportunity to lead with truly gifted people.  there are wonderful people in my life that i love to love.  and my writing project takes time as i work through what the Lord is teaching me. 

somewhere in the midst of all this, i am still hoping to meet the man i will marry someday.  it's weird because in all other aspects of my life, i must do the pursuing.  but in this one area, it doesn't work that way.  don't get me wrong, i've tried being the pursuer.  and it NEVER works out.  EVER. 

but how do i flip the switch from the pursuit after spending over 90% of my time doing just that? 

i've been on a few dates the past couple weeks.  it's been fun!  but at the same time exhausting.  i don't know how people do this well.  before each date, i have to psych myself up and be hopeful for a fun time with a (hopefully) normal guy. 

women will agree with me when i say it takes a lot of effort to get yourself looking just right before a date. but then add to the mix the idea of a blind date or meeting someone you've met through eharmony or match.com. 

okay, i confess that i've joined both those websites as an experiment.  and it's a bizarre experience to say the least.  both have yielded such different results.  eharmony: major let down.  not one of those matches seems the right fit for me...even though i answered a MULTITUDE of questions in the profile questions.

match.com has been more productive.  i've decided that it's because the men have an opportunity to search for the kind of woman they'd like to be with.  and with that comes the natural progression of man pursuing the woman.  instead of the same dynamic i see in so many churches: men presented with many available women and the women compete for the attention of the men.  at least that's what you see in larger churches with singles ministries.  this passive approach isn't working well. 

what i'm finding in my 29th year as a single, Christian woman, is that it's harder to find someone that values abstinence and doesn't push the envelope physically.  yes, all things are permissible...but not all beneficial.  as a church, i think we've done a poor job helping young adults in this area.  we need to encourage folks to not prolong adolescence and find a mate.  (that is if you want to be married.)  then, the physical aspect that is already too tempting, isn't considered more acceptable as we get older.  (but this is a whole other topic...)

that's when online sites are helpful to folks that are really interested in finding the right person.  so, even though nothing's really panned-out yet, at least i've met some neat men and learned more about what i want and who i am. 

i had a friend say to me last night, "play on, playa."  (a line from the totally awesome 90s hit, "no diggity".)  even though i don't want to appear a "playa", i have the opportunity to learn the appropriate level of expectations after just one or two dates.  these dating sights create the opportunity to date several people at one time.

but what i've found to be most interesting, is the increase in coupled/married friends suddenly suggesting that i be set up with their single friends.  this is a pretty new experience for me.  in fact, i used to wonder why they didn't do this before.  so, i think the timing of it is pretty interesting: just when i've decided to make myself available through online dating services.  perhaps it has something to do with being willing to open myself up to new opportunities?  or maybe i'm at the place God wants for me so that the conditions are right to meet my future love?

either way, i'm encouraged to know that good guys are out there and they will treat me with kindness and respect.  what a blessing!  after all, it's easy to become jaded and cynical in a world of imperfect people.  i was starting to grow more and more frustrated with single men in my age group.  so, the Lord, (like always), is redeeming those worldly assumptions and changing my heart toward more hopefulness and less cynicism.